#imagine never being able to directly hurt them

[sockatoothewafflebird]

u prolly have already but pls i want in depth yap abt caitvi in arc3 and how they heal :)

oh anon i have NOT yapped about how they heal. not in detail at least. so here we go. there's not a lot that hasn't been said about them, but i'd like to put my perspective into the ring just because. as an eldest sister and as a lesbian i can relate to vi in a lot of ways.

i think my main takeaway for caitvi in act 3 is how they're both human, in the ways they love and in the ways they fight. arcane is a show that respects its audience and trusts us to be able to read between the lines and i appreciate how you can see every little detail of the words they're not saying if you look close enough.

in The Scene especially you can see just how real theyre being... im not gonna dwell on it, but by the skin of my teeth and the bones in my knees they LOVE each other. you can see it so clearly.

caitlyn walks in on vi questioning everything she is. violet legit just let her sister slip from her fingers, again. i cannot tell you how many times i've felt guilty when my sister or brother are hurt or do something wrong, even if i had no part in it. i cannot imagine how much it would hurt to lose them and keep going only because of the possibility of finding them again, and then when i finally do find then they're ripped from my arms. and it happens more than once. i would be in the same place vi is. blaming herself for all of it. making the burden of protecting her sister all hers and no one else's. wondering whether or not she's doing the right thing at all. (cough coughh petra minecraft is that you)

as stressful as they can be sometimes they're my siblings and i'd do anytning for them. and with the kind of person vi is, for her that means punching whoever's in the way. doing whatever she can. she has a big heart and she's never lost it.

after caitlyn basically dumped her in the most entitled way possible vi had nothing left. no one to protect and nothing to fight for. so she fought just for the sake of fighting. after getting her family back and losing them again (holy ballsockets she was put through the wringer) all she had was cait even if cait hurt her. i think even if cait never did anytbing to make it up to her, she would have stayed, because vi needs an anchor.

caitlyn's hurt a lot of people directly or indirectly. she grew up priveleged and stayed that way, never truly seeing exactly how much pain people are going through until it's too late to turn back. caitlyn's arc is a very interesting one because she never says the words "i'm sorry". she never tells vi that what she did was wrong and that she wants to fix it. but she does things that prove her remorse.

caitlyn works with vi in the end of act 2. i think this is partially because she was already skeptical of ambessa from the start, and partially because she wanted to find a way to make it up to her. caitlyn doesn't fold as soon as vi calls her cupcake, that's not what the look is. The Look is her thinking, "wait, does she not hate me? why did she call me her term of endearment even after everything i've done?"

in act 3, caitlyn takes all the guards out of the prison, because she knew vi would try to rescue her sister. in the words of another post i forgot to save (deepest apologies to the op of that one), vi could have taken jinx and ran. caitlyn might have never seen her again and she let that happen anyway. and cait even went to the cell to check to see if her theory was true, and lo and behold it was. and vi failed at trying to save her sister. again.

what does caitlyn do? she tells vi that she relieved the prison of the guards because of her. all confident and sultry and commanding like she knows what she's doing.

and then when they're getting into it caitlyn frantically pulls away. she realizes that, yeah, she still needs to make things right. she tries to be honest, tell vi that she saw someone else, and vi just reassures her and keeps going. i think thisnis because 1) vi wants the cupcake, who wouldn't, and 2) she's... not exactly forgiving, that needs more work- but she's showing her appreciation for caitlyn here. caitlyn did something huge for her, she let her break a prisoner out which could have dire consequences for both of them.

i think vi just absolutely smothering cait is also a way to show that even though cait hurt her physically as well as emotionally, she's gone past that. if vi hadn't at least given some thought about cait's actions she would not let this happen, i don't think, unless she's super desperate. this proves that vi is starting to move on and cait is starting to revert back to that sputtering stuttering pinned-to-a-wall-flustered woman she was in season one- that's the woman vi fell in love with, after all... and that woman is battered and bruised and has plenty of sins to stone for. but that woman is not dead.

The Scene in the cell is both them being desperate and them showing their love for each other without words. caitlyn's hand lingers on vi's injury, maybe about to utter an apology, but vi cuts her off anyway. there's SO many little things here gaughehgjf.

and in the end of the show, when caitlyn looks into the hexgates in her family's archives, she looks because vi probably asked her to. vi wanted to be sure. she looked because she cares about vi. whether or not she'll tell vi about this is an interesting thought- i don't think she would. it would undermine jinx's sacrifice.

jinx walked away so she could move on. so piltover could move on. so zaun could move on. so vi could move on. and caitlyn telling vi that she's alive would ruin the steps they've taken towards healing.

i think vi's main problem was dedicating her life to her sister and nothing else. and caitlyn's was just her exploiting a broken system and mever recognizing her faults. vi starts to heal because now that her sister is truly gone to her, she can move away from the past and build her own future. and now that caitlyn's fully realized her mistakes she can take steps towards changing piltover for the better. GAHH i love complicated sapphics especially when there's sapphic joy after all the suffering....

this was all written in one sitting so apologies if it's messy, and i've sort of compiled some other ideas and theories i've seen in here too; but yeah, these are my thoughts on caitvi in season 2. i think they could've been fleshed out a bit more, but overall their relationship is legendary. i'll never stop loving them. caitvi supremacy people 💪

[lonely-north-star]

randomly started thinking about the hero au again okay look away this is dumb but i need to get it out

"When will you learn?" Paula sighed as she dabbed a cloth over a wound on Mammon's torso.

"Tch. Tell your dumbass team to go easier on us." Mammon's words were clipped and strained, as he did his best to stay still.

"Hmm. We're not the ones who brought a ray gun, now are we?"

"How else was I meant to test my new device if not by bringing it to a fight?" Solomon spoke up, rummaging through a first aid box. You could almost hear the pout in his voice.

"You shouldn't have made the device at all. You shouldn't be doing this at all. What will it take for you both to stop?"

"Heroes won't let me experiment new ideas, not without restrictions." Solomon fiddled with the end of a gauze roll.

"You know, if you give me a minute, I'll wrap your bandages too."

"When are ya gonna leave those suckers? C'mon. Ya can't fight us forever, don'cha know?"

"I'll stop being a hero when you two stop being villains."

Paula stood up, taking the gauze from Solomon. She studied the wound on his arm. Lucifer had done that. She'd have to talk to him about going easier on her boyfriends. For now.

"So we'll never stop fighting, is that what you're saying? Really, you'd be so much happier with us. I bet you miss my designated monthly cooking-"

"Paula, just join us already! We've got everything we've ever wanted! Riches, a fancy hideout, henchmen! What else could we need?"

Paula didn't look up. She finished off bandaging the wound. Huh. She had gotten faster at this now. That meant less time with the two of them. She needed to get this over quick anyway. Maybe then it would hurt less.

"You have everything you want? You're really happy like this? Truly?"

She stepped back. Her voice was low, exhausted, broken. She had her own fair share of scratches and cuts. Her hair was falling out of it's braid.

Still. The two of them looked at her like she was the world. Maybe that's what she was to them. She didn't feel like it though. Not anymore. She couldn't remember what had changed. Why they had changed.

Or had they even changed? Had they always been like this? Was it just hiding?

So badly she had wanted to follow them.

But she didn't.

And now she was here. In a room with her two favorite people, in an apartment they used to share, but used by no one in months. Here, they pretended everything was fine. Normal. Almost. As much as it could get.

"All that's missing is you, y'know."

"Then we'd truly be happy."

Solomon studied her. Mammon had a wary expression. He didn't like the tone she was using.

"... Then I guess you'll never be happy, will you? And neither will I."

"We can be happy if you just hurried up and joined us already! Paula, c'mon. Please. Don't make the Great Mammon beg."

"We have a space set up for you. It's already been decorated. There's even a new outfit, so you can get rid of that hero one. Barbatos designed it himself."

"I'm telling you this now. And this will be the last time I tell you, because God knows it hasn't sunk in by now. I am not joining the villains. You've finally gone somewhere I can't follow."

Her voice cracked. It never cracked.

And why was she reaching for her chain? Solomon frowned, attempting to reach out for her. Mammon was having trouble standing up.

"Paula-"

"Don't! Don't. It's over. I'm tired. I've tried. If you haven't listened by now..."

She threw the necklace at Mammon. He scrambled to catch it, irritating his wound in the process. The one he got her for their anniversary. Solomon stared, a frown on his face, his body stiff. Fighting the urge to grab her. She had already begun walking to the door.

"Then who's to say you'll ever listen at all? I can't keep hurting myself trying to convince you both to change. This is it. This is the last time I'll be seeing you both until- if you ever change."

She looked back at them. A mistake on her part, for their expressions punched her gut. Almost made her change her mind. Almost.

Instead, she glared at them. True and angry, not the playful one that held love beneath it. The one they missed so much.

"It's okay though, right? Because you two have everything you've ever wanted."

A door was slammed.

And she was gone.

[bixels]

Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.

Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).

Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.

Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.

Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).

AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.

But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s

At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.

[romanticintheory]

thinking about fellow soldier!reader coming back to ghost after having been mistaken for kia

gn!reader x simon "ghost" riley

-maybe he's back in your shared apartment, holding the last photo he took with you.

-it was taken the day of your birthday, with your arms around simon's waist and a gleeful smile permanently etched on your face.

-you were looking directly at the camera with your eyes crinkled at the corners. simon, however, was looking at you and only you with an expression only a lovestruck fool could manage.

-he had long since stopped crying about what he believed was your death. when price came to him with a somber expression and the news that you were on the wrong end of an explosion, the only thing he could do was cry or be angry.

-now, he felt nothing.

-you could imagine his surprise when he hears the front door open. did he forget to lock it? was someone breaking in? he didn't care enough to prepare himself for a potential attack.

-but, no, you walked in with an ungodly amount of bandaged wounds and a tired look on your face.

-you expected him to stand from his place on the sofa to meet you, but he didn't. he thought he was imagining things, again, so he said nothing.

-"simon," you said softly, not bothering to take off your shoes and throwing you things onto the ground next to you.

-still, he said nothing.

-"i'm sorry. i'm so, so sorry. price said he tried to contact you but that you never answered," you continued. nobody knew where you and ghost lived, and simon's grief took the form of self-isolation.

-he still didn't answer you at this point, and it was becoming unsettling.

-"simon, can you hear me?"

-"you're not real," was all he could muster. he didn't have the heart to tell "fake" you to go away or beg himself to wake up from his supposed dream. "i can't do this again. you're not real."

-you realized just how hard your false death had hit him.

-"i'm real. i promise. i was able to take cover last second and-"

-"no. you're dead with not even a body to recover because i wasn't there to protect you. god, i..." the words got stuck in his throat as he leaned forward on the sofa, holding his head in his hands and near trembling.

-you dropped to your knees in front of him like a follower worshipping their god. taking his hands, you held them tight as you could in a silent attempt at convincing him you were alive.

-there was a moment of silence between the two of you before he drew his hands away from yours. it made your heart hurt.

-"simon..." you were grasping at straws, now, trying to figure out how to convince him of what was true. maybe there was something in your luggage that might help.

-as soon as you turned your body to your bags by the front door, you were pulled right back in by a pair of strong arms.

-he was hugging you like the moment he let go, you'd disappear into thin air (and, in a way, he believed it to be a possibility). after being pulled from your shock, you immediately brought your own arms to reciprocate the embrace.

-"(y/n)," he said, trying to keep his voice stable. there was still a part of him that couldn't believe he had you with him. if he weren't so thankful, he'd be lecturing you about acting wreckless on missions and convincing you to quit your job so nothing like this happened again.

-but, for now, he was content like this.

[dovesdreaming]

can u do dating king ben headcannons

❦King Ben dating headcanons❦

I loved writing this and I could go on forever about him so if anyone wants more of these headcanons I still have loads in my brain! Thank you for requesting!! <3 I made it gender neutral as I didn’t know if you wanted it with a female reader or not hope that’s ok!

Warnings: none

-He is the most respectable and affectionate boyfriend ever. Once you’re dating he always has his hands somewhere on you because he loves being close to you. His absolute favourite though is forehead touches. It allows him to look directly at you with no interruptions.

-Cannot take his eyes off of you. Even before you started dating he would just go into his own world while staring at you. Would spend forever looking at you if he could.

-Before you started dating he would always try to impress you but he’s a little nervous so it ends up being a bit of a clumsy mess but you found it cute and laughed at him so he saw it as a win. Would go from being clumsy to so smooth with flirting with you though.

He jogs up to you at your locker after class and leans on the lockers next to yours. He’s looking down into your eyes, not breaking contact while wearing his signature smirk and just comes out with shameless flirting that I don’t think he even realised he’s doing it. It’s such a shock to your system you just turn to mush and hide your face from him. Would be the type of man to lean down so that he could still see your face or grab your chin and bring your face back to him.

-Could take him back to your parents any day, maybe not if they’re villains though they would probably hate his goody too shoes kind of life.

-Would always stand up for you and defend your name.

-His love for you is so pure and unbreakable. He definitely falls first and deeper. Ben just holds so much love for you that you would never be able to comprehend it.

-Would treasure anything you ever gave him even if it was as simple as a daisy you picked when you were sitting on the grass together. He would watch you so closely if you ever made a daisy chain and would be more than happy to wear it. Would happily let you place flowers in his hair if it made you happy.

-Loves holding your hand and will always take the opportunity to hold it. Makes cheesy excuses to do it even if you’ve been dating for a while. Would be like “your hands are freezing, I definitely need to hold them to warm them up”.

-Cheesiest boyfriend ever. He does most of it on purpose just to see you smile.

-Hopeless romantic and can’t help but to spoil you. Ben is always organising the cutest and romantic dates you could imagine. Always gives you your favourite flowers.

-Would always be so interested in anything you have to say, staring so intently into your eyes so that you know he’s listening. He would remember the smallest details about you and when it resulted in him getting you a gift or saying something to do with it you would melt. He wouldn’t know how to react because he just saw it as a normal thing to do because why wouldn’t he remember everything about you and everything you say to him?

-Is a puppy. Will follow you everywhere he can and will be at your beck and call. Will also whine and moan whenever he’s not in your presence or you have to leave him.

-Would do anything for you and would do anything to see you happy, he can’t stand it when your sad.

-Would give you absolute princess treatment no matter your background. Always pulls your chair out for you, holds doors open and would lay his jacket over a puddle if needed. The type of boyfriend to swap shoes or clothes with you if yours were hurting you and would have no shame if he looked weird. Would also carry you round on his back if you preferred that option.

-Would dedicate any points or winning games to you. Would definitely try to teasingly embarrass you this way. It would mean the world to him if you came onto the pitch after a winning game and ran into his arms. Would pick you up and swing you round, giving you a massive kiss when he puts you down.

-Loves, loves, LOVES seeing you in his clothes. He would feel that deep feeling of love for you and his beast would slightly come out with any feelings of possessiveness it ignited in him. Imagine him seeing you wear his crown he would be on his knees for you.

-Loves when you run your fingers through his hair, especially when cuddling. If you ever refused, even in a joking way, he would beg you to do it with his best puppy eyes.

-Is the best hugger ever. His height combined with his big arms make for the comfiest and warmest hug ever.

-If the beast ever comes out he would be so protective over you it would be so funny. I feel like this side of him even when in his normal form would make him such a biter. Not even sexually, he just gets the urge to lovingly bite your shoulder and nibble.

-Always keeps you close by his side, especially at big events. Mainly so no harm comes to you but also because your a massive comfort to him and being in your presence immediately calms his nerves.

-Ben is a big cuddler and could be either big spoon or little spoon depending on the day. Definitely loves lying on top of you, his face on your chest listening to your heartbeat or squished into your neck.

-Always confides in you with any worries he has about becoming king and ruling Auradon. You immediately squish them and reassure him.

-He couldn’t wait to rule the kingdom beside you with you as his king/queen. Would lovingly call you “my queen/king”. In fact he would give you every pet name under the sun he just couldn’t help himself, his love for you poured out of him in buckets and he just had to let you know in every way he can.

-Would always show you off to everyone and be so proud to call you his partner. Ben would bring you up in conversation all the time and everyone just got used to it and let him because they secretly thought it was cute how in love he was with you.

-Acts like he’s under a love spell with how down bad he is for you

-Overall the love you share is so soft and pure it’s such a fairytale relationship and all you could ever wish for. Ben is the perfect boyfriend.

Thank you for reading! im so excited to write for all the descendants requests<3

[somerandomdudelmao]

So, Casey's a turtle mutant, and he has obvious links to Leo (skin markings + color), some subtle links to Mikey (Shell design), and a very subtle link to Raph with his fangs.

I wonder though, how long did it take them to notice that he has fangs? And just how much did this…

Hurt to see?

Not to mention that the fangs could probably be written off as a link to Donnie, since spiny softshells bite pretty hard and Casey hasn't had physical contact with Raph's original body in about 10 years.

Raph sees the kid he was basically a dad to, as a turtle, with physical traits of his family, and almost no trace of himself. Casey doesn't remember him, and he resembles Leo more than anyone else. It hurts. But Casey and Leo are so happy, Raph can't ruin that. So he doesn't.

He shows annoyance/exhaustion at the unexpected mutation, and it's more directed towards his brother's tendency for scietific chaos that the actual mutation.

He also seems to avoid Casey until Draxum arrives and is able to "fix" Casey. Leo, Mikey, and Donnie all actively bond with Casey over being a turtle mutant. Raph barely shows up in this episode, and directly interacts with him even less, barely even paying attention when Leo throws Casey at him, and not even fully addressing Casey the whole episode (from what I remember).

Anyway, imagine Raph finding out Casey's mutation was never actually reversed and feeling a bit of pain because Casey wanted to stay a turtle mutant so he would always have a reminder of his family, and still not seeing much of any trace of himself.

Ok, now imagine Casey's fangs getting a bit too big and developing a snaggle tooth.

That's all ok byeee!!

Oooooouuuuh~ A little fact about Casey's mutation - originally, at some point I wanted to make him a snapping turtle instead of a red-eared slider. He had a spiky shell, little claws.... and a tail...also....like...Spiky lil tail....Yes. (Don't ask me why he had it while turtles don't. My concepts don't have logic~)

But then I thought it would be weird...where would he find that kind of dna? So, yeah... It's just the fangs. Maybe if I'm in the mood I'll come back to this topic haha~

Also, I want to add that even though Raph was the first one to adopt Casey, that doesn't make him the only real parent or smth. Leo literally raised that kid for ten years. He didn't take the title of father away from Raph. He joined it. And he was doing a good job of telling Casey about Raph. The only problem was that Leo could only talk about Raph from his own, brotherly point of view.

Casey grew up knowing what Raph was to Leo. And he was too young (and traumatized) to remember what Raph was to Casey.

[azulsluver]

Pls don’t do this if you don’t feel comfortable doing it but, in the bully au for twst, imagine if they accidentally did go to far and killed yuu/mc.

I’ve been thinking about it for like the past day 😭

And have a good day or night!

tw. yandere, bully!characters, death of reader, Choking, hinted unintentional/intentional murder, mentions of cannibalism, gore.

Reactions to them (accidentally) killing you.

Riddle/Trey/Cater/Ruggie/Floyd/Vil/Rook included

|| .01 .02 .03 ||

Riddle

His punishments know no mercy, locking you away from everyone else. Riddle’s temper can only be bottled so little until it explodes, leading to your demise. Your brutish nature challenged him directly to where submission was needed, where his unique magic summoned onto you; so powerful it left you heaving and choking.

In a fit of his anger his emotions blinded him of everything but a need to release the burden of his love towards you. More likely the hurt of his ego, reasoning fell on deaf ears.

Riddle wouldn’t be able to notice the light in your eyes frantically holding onto what little of yourself you had. To die by him was an understatement, humiliation and anger being the last you’ll ever feel as you’re wrongfully killed. And when he does have your unresponding body in his hands does he understand his wrongs.

But Riddle would try to find an excuse for his behavior, unless someone were to outright tell him how unforgiving he was. Crushing his soul to an extent of taking your life. Riddle surprisingly, didn’t mean to kill you.

Trey

It was irresponsible of him to leave you without proper care. Trey let his feelings get the best of him, resulting in him neglecting you of your wounds as no one else bothered to check up on you. So when he takes the time to lock the doors of your room, blowing off steam by ignoring your cries and pain whimpers from the other side.

There’s a conflicted look in his eyes as he peers down at your lifeless body. He should have patched up your wounds. You bled out to die in such a painful and gruesome way, your savior dismissing his own set of rules; where you help him and he helps you.

Trey is guilty of your death. He didn’t cause you to die but he held a large part of an opportunity to have you with him. If he wasn’t so blinded by ignorance he would have fed you sweets as he stitched up open cuts. Ask you to leave with him far away from people, away from your abusers and live with him.

His love may hurt, but he truly loved you.

Cater

Never expected you to go so fast. It was one of his pranks that weren’t so harmless. Cater always had his cruel ideas backed up with a plan, that way you didn’t die. When you think Cater wanted you dead that just means his intentions were clear enough. He can freely express himself when making you doubt. So when you didn’t think he’d use a actual blade saw to cut your stomach up, even when it was on.

You just had to keep wiggling around, why didn’t you struggle enough, the binds weren’t tied so tightly. Cater cringes at the stench of your flesh and organs that decorated the floor and blade. He didn’t mean to have the switch turned on. How did it turn?

Cater is nothing but angry at himself and you. He wanted to scare the shit out of you and maybe cut you a little, but this will imprint his mind. There was no joy to have with your empty eyes, a hideous and grotesque sight of your lower face painted in blood. He could’ve imagined the pain of having to choke on your own blood to death.

Ruggie

You’ve ticked Ruggie off that day. Somehow his patience wore thin. It was out of character for him to snap at you so suddenly. All of his aggression forced him maul your body until it was unrecognizable. Ruggie won’t be able to control his blinding rage out of animalistic intent. One that was never meant to kill you.

He was never the type to hurt you so far. So when he finally blinks tiredly at the scene in front of him. Your blood and skin are under his nails and teeth. His tongue quickly laps up with saliva as you take over his senses. Ruggie can only shudder as he stumbles off you.

So many dirty work he’s done for Leona, he’s seen back in his homeland. Yet the look of your fucked up face with teeth and nose missing, he claws at his cheek in wonder if he’s dreaming.

Ruggie won’t be able to get you off his mind. When the evidence is cleaned and Leona assured him that he didn’t mean it; although he is also pissed. He can’t get the taste of you out of his tongue.

Floyd

He was unsupervised with you, no one knew he was coming to you to relieve his anger. After a frustrating day of work he forgets humans aren’t as thick skin.

Floyd would be stunned in the spur of things, with you choking on your own blood as he wipes it out of his mouth. Your chewed up flesh stuck to his teeth as he watch solemnly; you’re trying to stop the bleeding by pressing your shaking hands over the wound. It gushes between your fingers, making you scream in agony.

So it was up to Floyd, either to run and find his brother or Azul for help or watch you bleed to death. Which ever way would lead to your demise. Because he sits on the floor with your head on his lap. Gurgling and gasping as he plays with your face.

Floyd will watch you slowly give up, how the light in your eyes bum down to a pit of nothing. Until he can no longer hear your voice and the beating in your chest. Floyd accepts his mistakes of chewing too hard on his toys. And he bitterly hopes to find you one day again. He’s not planning on letting you go.

Vil

Vil sought this day to come. He knew his harsh reality of his obsession with you would break you into nothing but a reminder of his doings. Where Vil killed you accidentally or on purpose is up to the scenario of what happened to become of this. I’d say he’s too prideful to let you die, his suffering is yours to share.

He had thoughts of when he’d finally killed you. Be it he poisoned you to the point your skin and flesh burned way from the potion or he crushed your skull a little too forceful into a wall or counter. Either way it’ll be gruesome and painful.

Guilt won’t be on Vil’s mind. He’s in a state of peace for a while before he can start to obsess over you once again. You’re a tinted memory he holds dearly, every action done by him to further scar you for life is intentional.

You’re nothing to his eyes but something he can dream and have a nostalgic sense of feeling once in a while. As obsessions can’t always be let go, he keeps the remainder of your body somewhere safe in the depths of his home. Handmade by his truly, a doll made of porcine lays in a glass coffin.

Rook

The day Rook’s mistakes come and bites him in the ass was soon to come. He has no control over the future and how his fun little game would end. With your corpse dangling from his previously made trap. He let you wander too far in his game of hunt, and too late to prevent this from happening.

By all means, Rook is sadden. Not in a way you’d think. Like losing the goldfish you won at a festival, he ponders over you before properly figuring out on what to do next.

Carefully and thoughtfully, he takes you back to his home to behind the procedure. It’s sickening but luckily for you you’re already dead and gone to witness Rook’s deeds. Kissing your bloodied lips and chopping off limb from limb in a clean fashion. Your remains are kept safely and stored for further use, maybe if he’s ever thinking of you he’ll make you taste delicious.

[4dbarbie-archive]

4dbarbie interview: All about Desires

4dkelly notes: I had fun making this in an interview style Q&A between 4dbarbie and Vanessa. I thought "how would 4dbarbie answer anon questions if she were still here today?". Spoiler alert, it wouldn't be much different to the questions anons asked her lol. Most answers are just directly extracted from her posts/answered asks but some have been adapted a bit or rearranged to make it flow better. I have added some relevant posts for further reading. I may or may not make more of these. This was mainly just for fun (but then it really evolved into an educational piece lol). My highlight key: key concepts are in pink, action points in purple, really important points in red

Vanessa: I really like this guy and want to manifest him. 😢 How do I do that?

4dbarbie: IMAGINE KNOWING ALL THIS AND STRESSING OVER A GUY?!?!? Unbelievable. Who's holding you at gun point to type this out to me??? 😧😧😧 I refuse to believe this is what this material is getting wasted on. I refuse to believe this is the understanding you guys have after I explained who you are in so many ways. Imagine liking someone who didn't text you back right after to tell you how amazing you are as well 🤮 what do you like about this nobody? You want to give me a heart attack? I tell you there is no one out there but you and instead of being free and loving yourself you... you give a crumb of your precious attention to this? I tell you you are life and you try to make life better through dates?

Vanessa: Okay but what about my other desires? I want them...

4dbarbie: Everything about Vanessa is meaningless. She has a life and if it's boring, who cares? Forget it. What do you need these stories for? Do you not understand they have reality because you give it to them? YOU! They have no standing on their own! The whole world is just your mere thought. The body exists because you are aware of it being! Only you have this power. Only you are. Why are you dreaming like this? Gosh, you break my heart. If Vanessa is hurting you why do you keep on choosing her?

Vanessa: Then what should I do? I still have things I desire despite knowing I cannot desire because I am not a person, ego, mind...

4dbarbie: You know it intellectually, but have you acted on it at all? You know yourself as Vanessa by acting like Vanessa, know yourself as your Self by acting like yourself. Desires and fears dissipate then. You have desires still because you never stopped thinking you're Vanessa. Investigate who Vanessa actually is :) Spoiler alert: it's a thought! Think something else and see what happens.

Vanessa: How long will this take? When will I see a change?

4dbarbie: Now. Who is doing the change in attitude, what are you waiting for to happen for you to change your attitude? It's instant. You see it, you realize you have no reason to worry/doubt/desire/fear anymore, let things happen as they happen while you're undisturbed and they dissolve.

Vanessa: Should I just keep assuming that I don't desire things anymore because I already have it while I'm denying and dismissing my senses? It feels like I'm just waiting and being delusional though

4dbarbie: Your world is right and perfect, what you see is what you are so even if you're seeing what 'you' don't want, the world is not wrong in being what it is. Fearing it, trying to manipulate it, lying to yourself about it being something different - all useless and vain attempts.

Not seeing the world as it is, is an aversion to it. - Lester Levenson

See it as it is and it will fix itself.

And no, being delusional is not good, it leads you not to trust your own judgment or senses. Which is not right, why shouldn't you? What is wrong with your vision? Being delusional from your ego self is really harmful, someone could be abusing you and you would go "i'm sure that's not right he loves me so much in my mind!!!"

You won't be able to get rid of the waiting feeling as long as you're identified with your ego, it can manipulate nothing. And if you weren't your ego -- everything would already be materialized, so there would be nothing to wait for.

Vanessa: Well since I Am and I give life to everything, when Vanessa desires something, I can just "give" her her desires, right?

4dbarbie: The desire that *I*... the desire is of Vanessa, the Self can have that and it's nothing to it. It's just another experience. Those things are in you, not you in them.

You don't have to give her anything... you don't have to fulfill anybody... I Am is already everything... you only don't see you are all and have the all because you won't stop thinking you're the ego. All you're doing all the time is creating lack & limitation, perfection already is. You just add unsatisfying labels constantly with your wrong thinking.

Let go of the thinking, it's instant. No need to fulfill anybody. 1 My tip is to realize your Self, have enough courage to face Vanessa's fears. See how unnecessary is to pay them any mind at all. Let go of thinking you are this little helpless thing already. After you realize yourself, any bold assertion does it. There's no time delay. 2

Vanessa: Now I feel defeated, do I just give up on everything then?

4dbarbie: Feeling defeat is actually good, it prompts you to let go :D You don't need to reach for what is already within you. Give up the idea that you have not found it and just let it come into the focus of direct perception, here and now, by letting go of all that is of the mind.

Abandon all sense of separation, see yourself in all and act accordingly - Nisargadatta Maharaj

You have it, all is well. Just stop believing the illusions born out of thinking you're a person.

Vanessa: So as Awareness, I have to stop desiring?

4dbarbie: If you know yourself to be Awareness, then you know yourself to be the all. There is nothing to desire, because you have no reason to create desire.

That's why it's necessary to realize all that is is awareness and the person comes second. If you think all that is is the person, then the chances of believing you're suddenly a different person are slim, and the persuasion and convincing are nothing but a form of self-instilled mental torture. 1 All you're doing is imagining/thinking you're an ego who has to strive for things, but it is "I AM" imagining itself to be so.

What is beyond is clear of all striving. The cause of suffering is in the identification of the perceiver with the perceived. - Nisargadatta Maharaj

When that identification ceases, so does desire. Then, if you want to express yourself as being a person, nothing is stopping you from doing so, only know yourself first. After that, no matter what you choose to experience the world as, you will know you are not it and it can't hurt you.

Vanessa: What do I do when a desire or fear comes to my mind then? It doesn't feel right to suppress them...

4dbarbie: I am not talking of suppression. Just refuse attention. Nisargadatta has a saying "When you happen to walk in a crowd, you do not fight every man you meet — you just find your way between." Neville has another "Indifference is the knife that severs, feeling is the tie that binds." When you refuse to play the game, you are out of it.

Vanessa: Then how do I stop feeling anxious about trying to change my life?

4dbarbie: You are not the one who is anxious or fearful, the ego is fearful. LOA was wrong about letting go because you can't let go of desires or fears if you don't know who you really are. If you think you are this ego you can't help being anxious. You can't help wanting to get. Real surrendering can only be of the ego. By letting go of who you think you are and seeing you were never it in the first place, that it is because YOU are, you naturally drop all desires and fears because they weren't yours. 1 Get into a habit of watching, letting them be but not identifying with them. If you can observe them, it means you are not them.

Abandon all imaginings and know yourself as you are. All craving is due to a sense of insufficiency. When you know that you lack nothing, that all there is, is you and yours, desire ceases. - Nisargadatta Maharaj

Vanessa: How do I stop feeling doubts then?

4dbarbie: You shut them down. There is no reason to argue with them, contemplate them, or give them any kind of attention at all. See them for what they are, an illusion of the mind. When you catch yourself being aware of something that's undesirable, just go 'What problem?' and know it to be perfect again. Always remember, the real you can't have doubts, only your ego can.

Vanessa: I feel like I'm not doing enough to realize my true Self. How can I be more productive on this journey?

4dbarbie: There's nothing to be productive about. What a silly concept. Don't add another burden or worry onto yourself. Right now you make yourself guilty over not seeking more and doing more to attain realization, but you already have it. You need not take time to meditate or put time aside to contemplate and "apply". All you need to do is detach from this form during the day, let life happen as it happens while reminding yourself it's a dream, a dream that doesn't have to be yours.

The guilt is because you think you're running out of time and you need to change "your" life now. Be patient with yourself because you don't lose any time, just get to that place I'm telling you about and then you can just go back in time if you so wish. All worry is pointless! And there is nothing to fear, things just happen, do not claim them as yours for a while. Unclutter your mind, it becomes your servant after you've freed it enough.

[vanteguccir]

── ୨୧ !　𝗙𝗔𝗠𝗜𝗟𝗬 𝗥𝗘𝗨𝗡𝗜𝗢𝗡

　　　　　　𝒋𝒂𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒆 x mikaelson!reader

SUMMARY: When Edward decides to leave Bella behind for her own safety, Y/N take the lead to take the Cullens to the town where she grew up, with her only concern being how to explain for them her real there.

WARNING: None.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

　　　༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

"Edward, if you really want to disappear... I know a place we can go." Y/N said, looking directly into the mind reader's eyes, hoping to see some kind of emotion there.

Y/N could imagine the mess that was in Edward's head, the fact that he had, or rather, wanted to leave Bella behind for the girl's own safety was killing him from the inside, and despite feeling angry at the quick choice he made, she couldn't judge him. Y/N could never see herself away from Jasper, just imagining the possibility made her frozen heart hurt.

"Where?" Rosalie chimed in, looking at Y/N waiting for her response.

"New Orleans." She responded a few seconds later, feeling everyone's eyes focus on her.

Everyone in the Cullen family had a story that began at their birth and, often, ended with their last breath before becoming creatures of the night, stories of when their surname was something else, not Cullen.

Each one took their own time to reveal this story to the others, but it was never difficult for Y/N, after all, her life was normal before anything else... Right?

The vampire was born in London, but at the age of thirteen she moved to New Orleans with her mother after her parents divorced for reasons that Y/N didn't know to this day. Her mother chose New Orleans based on the idea that her parents, Y/N's grandparents, lived there and her ancestors came from there too.

From the age of thirteen, Y/N discovered the culture of New Orleans and grew up surrounded by it: street parties, blues players on every corner, restaurants open 24 hours a day, bright night bars and so on. At least that's what Y/N told her new family.

The truth is that the girl came from a lineage of extremely strong and well-known witches in the supernatural world, the Mikaelsons. Anyone who is smart enough would have a question mark in their mind now, after all, the Mikaelsons who are still alive are all vampires and vampires don't procreate, right? Right!

But what if part of the story has never been told? Not in bedtime stories, at least.

Niklaus' father was not the only affair Esther had, the mother of the Mikaelson family had a thing for supernatural beings and, therefore, in addition to werewolves, Esther became involved with a great wizard at the time, from the Bishop lineage.

Wizards weren't as well known at the time, as everyone focused on the female image within witchcraft, sometimes with curious eyes and sometimes with evil ones, but that doesn't mean they didn't exist, and Esther not only found one, she had a daughter with him.

Five years before Esther decided to turn her children into bloodthirsty creatures, she gave birth to Agnes Bishop-Mikaelson. Knowing the gigantic problem it would create if she showed up at home with another daughter in her arms, after her 9-month "trip", and that the child was not Mikael's, Esther decided to leave Agnes with her father and pretend that she never existed, completely removing the name Mikaelson from the child.

And it worked, no one from the Bishop family ever looked for her throughout her life and eternity, but that doesn't mean that the story of having remnants of a Mikaelson in the family tree wasn't passed on.

And Y/N, from the age of thirteen, grew up surrounded by infinite grimoires of her lineage, listening to stories told by her grandparents and mother, finally being able to understand why she could make fire light out of nowhere or objects levitate.

But although the girl saw her magic as a salvation, it was her downfall as well.

After the death of her grandparents, her mother became lost in grief and loneliness, going to the other side of the veil a few months later, leaving Y/N alone in a world of supernatural beings who would do anything to kill her if they knew about her great-great grandmother.

It didn't take much for the story of Esther's secret daughter to be revealed, and consequently, the existence of Y/N. Beings from all over the United States began to appear to the girl, wanting her life in exchange for revenge, and then her ancestors began to haunt her dreams trying to help her, but Y/N didn't understand that, and the situation only left everything worse for her.

Until one day, a charming man wearing a suit that was too expensive to wear on any given day appeared at the door of her house, offering protection and help in exchange for explanations.

Elijah was extremely helpful after understanding what his mother did to the Bishop lineage, being grateful that Y/N had no reservations in showing him all the grimoires and diaries of her ancestors, revealing the complete truth.

And with that Y/N was welcomed by the Mikaelson family, being able to train her magic with Esther's grimoires too, despite not having any physical help, since Kol, one of the Mikaelson brothers, was sleeping in some kind of coffin and Freya was dead, or something like that.

But it was one night when Y/N was walking alone through the streets of New Orleans, eager to return to the home of who she considered family, when everything was stolen from her.

An old and strong enemy of Esther appeared accompanied by reinforcements and not even with all of Y/N's still little knowledge would she have been able to stop them, the girl had only recently started studying strong magic and blamed herself for it, despite it not being her fault.

The girl was kidnapped and taken to a warehouse far from the entrance to New Orleans, surrounded by orchards, where she was tortured for hours, or was it days?

With the little strength she had left, Y/N was able to escape a few meters away from the warehouse, and it was there that she was found by Esme, who at the time was looking for fragrant apples to decorate the counter of her temporary home with her family.

Y/N could never be able to thank Esme enough for saving her life that day, if it weren't for the eldest, she would not have survived, already extremely weak and with fractures that caused irreversible damage to her organs, which would only lead to a slow death. Therefore, when Esme arrived at his house suddenly with the young woman in his arms, Carlisle spared no time before transforming her.

And then Y/N Cullen's new life began. She knew that hiding the whole truth wasn't right, but the last thing she wanted was to put the Cullen family in danger, already putting them at risk enough just by being with them.

"Are you sure you're ready to go back there, my love?" Jasper's question interrupted Y/N's triggered memories, and the girl was momentarily grateful that, with her magic, she could block Edward's reading.

"Yes, it's time to face those fears. Pack your bags, we'll leave at nightfall." Y/N informed decisively, turning around and going to her shared room with Jasper, finally being able to take a deep breath and organize her mind.

She needed to tell them before they put a foot in New Orleans, the girl knew that Niklaus would know of her arrival within seconds and she definitely didn't want to cause any more drama.

Y/N took out her phone and opened the contacts, her finger hovering over Elijah's contact, sighing and closing her eyes tightly before locking the screen, her last meeting with the Mikaelsons wasn't one of the best; Niklaus demanded that Y/N return home, despite her type of vampire being different, while Rebekah blamed herself for not having protected her enough before that night and Elijah tried to calm the whole situation, also begging her with his eyes to return to them, they missed her company, but she knew she couldn't, not at the time.

The girl shook her head, trying to shake off the thoughts, and picked up her and Jasper's bags, starting to organize the piles of clothes that she would take for both of them.

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

"There, everyone's ready?" Emmett asked after loading all the bags into the four cars and closing the trunk of the last one. Everyone responded with a simple wave and got into their respective cars, Y/N heading to the car she would use with Jasper, getting into the passenger seat and waiting for the long journey to begin.

"Baby, what's going on? Ever since you decided to take us to New Orleans you've been quiet. You know if you don't want to go there, we can aways choose another place-" Jasper began, his right hand on Y/N's thigh as his eyes remained on the road in front of him, casting quick glances at his girlfriend.

"No Jas, I'm fine, just thinking... I wasn't completely truthful with you guys about my life before I turned." She said, looking closely at Jasper, waiting to see his reaction, but only received a nod as if to say "you can continue, I'm all ears". "I think it would be better for everyone to listen." Y/N muttered, pulling out her phone and quickly starting a group call with one person from each car.

"Y/N? Unless Jasper lost his hand, I don't see why you're calling us. Your car looks great." Rosalie was the first to answer, being in the car behind Jasper and Y/N.

Y/N let out a laugh while Jasper rolled his eyes, Rosalie could be sarcastic when she wanted.

"Hello to you too, Rose. I'm just calling you all because I think I should tell you everything before we get to New Orleans. I wasn't completely truthful in the life story I told you before." Y/N began, beginning her long and tragic life story, smiling small when she had everyone's attention.

"This is all... Wow." Alice muttered from Edward's car. "How come I didn't see any of this?"

"Like I said, I'm a witch, and even with the transformation, for some reason, my magic wasn't interrupted or broken, in fact it became stronger and I have more control over it, that's why you only see me in some of your visions and Edward only hears some of my thoughts, I decide what you can see and hear." Y/N explained, seeing a sideways smile spread across Jasper's face, he knew she didn't mention him because she didn't hide her emotions from him, she never did.

"I think it's a lot of information to digest in a short amount of time, but we understand why you kept it from us for so long and I'm grateful that you wanted to protect us all." Carlisle took the lead, followed by "uhum's" from everyone, Y/N sighed in relief.

"When we get there, are we going to stay at this Mikaelsons' house or...?" Alice asked, looking out the window at the constantly changing landscape.

"We're going to the house I grew up in, I never sold or rented it. It must be dusty, but I promise it's big enough for all of us."

"Just the fact that I won't need to sleep with Edweirdo makes it good enough for me." Emmett joked, everyone laughing simultaneously, which calmed the tension.

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

It didn't take long for the traditional "Welcome to New Orleans" sign to appear up ahead.

Y/N took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves, she couldn't imagine the Mikaelsons' reaction to seeing her again, so many years later. And she couldn't lie and say that she wasn't afraid of the Cullens' reaction to seeing what a mess her "other life" was.

The girl quickly took out her phone and opened the message group she shared with the Cullens.

"We arrived in the city that never sleeps, this is my home address, but you can just follow Jasper and I and we'll be there soon."

After sending the text, Y/N started giving Jasper directions to the entrances, trying not to look at the places they passed, as she knew she would get stuck in a memory loop. Finally, after many entrances, the girl saw the house where she spent her adolescence and early youth, smiling small as she felt her eyes fill with tears.

"It's that one over there." She said, pointing to the two-story house with a light pink fence in the front and pastel yellow curtains, just like her grandmother liked.

It wasn't long before the family found themselves unloading the suitcases from the cars and taking them to the living room, Emmett cracking jokes while Esme scolded him and Alice talked about all the clothing and shoe stores she saw on the way there.

A sound of approaching footsteps caught the family's attention, and they looked up to see a blond, green-eyed man approaching with an expression of anger and surprise.

"So it's true?" He spoke up, making Y/N freeze in the middle of the room, her hand dropping the backpack she was holding. "Y/N Bishop-Mikaelson everyone!" The man continued loudly with an ironic tone and sarcastic smile, opening his arms.

"Nik." Y/N whispered, closing her eyes tightly.

"Did you finally remember that you have a family, Y/N? Or did you come to ask for help with some nonsense you got into?" Niklaus asked rhetorically, staring at the entrance where he could see the girl's silhouette.

"Niklaus, please." Y/N spoke, turning and leaving the house, stopping a few meters away from the older man.

The hybrid stopped for a few seconds, analyzing the girl he saw as a daughter before she disappeared from his life, and the only girl Niklaus would set the world on fire if necessary, besides his brothers.

"Why did you come back?" He asked, crossing his arms, as if he was in charge of the city, which in a way is not a lie.

"We were in trouble in Forks and needed some time away." She responded with a sigh, quickly glancing at the Cullens behind her, who were paying attention to the moment without trying to interfere.

"Problems?" Nik paused for a second, a thread of worry passing through his eyes, which was quickly drowned out. "And do you find refuge here?" His nervous tone returned.

"Yes Niklaus, if you don't remember, I grew up here and my entire lineage is from here, I have the right to return to my home." Y/N argued, taking a rigid stance, pointing to her own chest.

"Oh, now New Orleans is your home? Funny how-"

"That's enough Niklaus." A second male voice came before the vision of a dark-skinned man wearing an expensive suit emerged.

"Great, a family reunion! Just what I needed right now." Y/N spoke with false excitement, rolling her eyes.

"Good to see you too Y/N." Elijah spoke, stopping next to Klaus and looking at everyone behind the Mikaelson girl, noticing their uncomfortable expressions at the sudden encounters and barbs exchanged between Nik and Y/N. "Why don't we have dinner at our house with everyone and... talk? We miss you Y/N and it would be great to meet the ones you consider family. If they're important to you, they're important to us too." He finished, sending a quick smile to the Cullens and receiving ones in return.

It would be long months.

[somethingfishysgoingon]

Sometimes I think about Grant Wilson and I get so fricking sad, man...

Like, imagine you're a twelve-year-old boy and you've not only outed yourself to your very Catholic father but also all the dads of your friends/peers. Thankfully, your father is accepting of you but he also can't seem to keep this information on the down-low which just hurts you so much socially because, of course, you're a twelve-old boy. Then, you go through an incredibly traumatic experience (directly due to your father's poor choices), as well as what very well may be your first rejection, and, suddenly you can't feel anything properly anymore. The only person you can go to for support is your father. He tells you that what makes him feel better is his wife, your mother. He's well-intentioned but because you're twelve, traumatized, and newly outed, you don't see this; instead, you just feel like an outlier. After this, you just get more and more thrown at you but you're not emotionally equipped to deal with all of it because, again, you're twelve years old.

Flash-forward however many years later, you have a husband and son who love you unconditionally. You know you love them back and you try your hardest to be the absolute best you can be for them but trauma works in strange ways so you feel as though you don't deserve it. You're not worthy of being loved because you're the worst person in the world and all you do is harm. You try your best to obtain this impossible standard you've set for yourself but you can't so you push everyone else away until you can be that person you're never going to be able to be.

You tell yourself you've moved on, you should have moved on, but the truth is you've never really gotten past what happened to you when you were twelve years old.

[twinsyy]

Do they see you through a window in the air, or as a presence blended into the air around them?

i can’t pick what i enjoy more.

in-game, when the characters are aware of your presence. of you currently playing as them.

i am conflicted with either:

a) they can see you through the screen, as you see them through yours. the rectangular window floating in the air, being the only opportunity of having the honor of seeing your face. they could see your excitement when spotting a chest nearby, but also the immediate dread of realizing it’s being guarded by your least favourite enemy. they could see your frustration of trying to figure out a puzzle. the sadness in your eyes during heartbreaking quests.

but only if the camera was looking right at them.

i would imagine the window in their world would constantly change its position in the air. as you adjust the camera angle to see into their world on your end. when you zoom in, the window is closer to them. when you zoom out, it is farther. if you are looking directly at their face, they can look directly back.

when the camera is not in front of their face, in order to fully face you to properly take you in (i like to believe their own conscious actions are limited as you control them), they would have to go against their code. which they cannot do, not until you stop controlling them. which is only when you are offline. how could they see your pretty face then?

they itch to be able to.

so if you were to ever fall asleep, forgetting to close genshin? the character you selected to play as, their back turned with how you positioned the camera angle. their head turns to face you, since you have been afk for some time.

but when they realize you’re asleep, they never take their eyes off of your sleeping face.

OR

b) they can’t see you, they can only feel your presence. coming and going when you log in and out of the game.

you are blended in the air, mixed into the waters. you are all around them, yet nowhere to be seen.

but they always know you’re there. because of how your warm presence soothes their soul. how they lose all control of their body as you progress through teyvat as them. it was a blessing to be guided by you.

and they know when you aren’t there. they don’t need to see you to know when you are getting ready to leave. they know.

what it looks like on your side, you use the menu to exit the game. simple. no big deal.

but on their side? it is a feeling. a gradual dread. an emptiness haunting them as you start to leave the game.

it is not immediate, nor does it take long to subside. but they feel like they are ripped from your comforting embrace. abandoned to wallow and sulk in the loss of your light within them.

even as it has subsided, the remaining emotions of losing your presence again makes their heart ache. longing for your swift return.

in either of these scenarios, they can sense when you leave. i feel like it is just a lot more stronger in the second. because the feeling of you is all they have.

their other commonality is how they are driven more mad. more desperate for you to stay each time you abandon them. when all they want is for the light that is your gaze to warm their skin, and allow them the ability to smile again.

considering how much it hurts them, why do you leave?

[togrowoldinv]

Working Out

Beefy!Natasha Romanoff x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut! 18+ please! Natasha has a penis (she/her pronouns used), kissing, cursing, teasing, blow jobs, Nat being really super beefy

Note: Y’all can thank @dirtyvulture for this one lol. A great idea. Enjoy the beefiness!

Natasha Masterlist 1, Natasha Masterlist 2, Natasha Masterlist 3, Main Masterlist

Your ideal date was not exactly spending time at the gym, but when Natasha asked you to join her, you didn’t want to say no. Never really one to workout, you figure you’ll just stand around and watch Natasha.

Seeing her in action is your idea of a perfect date. Her body is muscular, and she knows what it does to you. Nat called you and asked you to go with her, so you got dressed and waited for her to pick you up.

She pulled up in her sports car. You got in, and she placed a kiss on your lips. You didn’t take note of her clothing until you went into the gym together.

Now, you watch as she prepares the squat rack. Her short shorts leave very little to your imagination. Her thighs flex with her every movement. You’re sure she can see your eyes on her. She pulls her shorts further up her legs to ‘move them out of her way’ but mostly so your eyes fall directly to what’s in between them.

“Do you need help, sweetheart?” Nat asks you, never stopping her squats. She glances at the equipment next to you that you forgot to pretend to use.

“Oh, I- yeah, I guess so,” you say. Nat smirks and places her weights on the ground.

Nat lifts her tank top up and wipes the sweat from her face. That gives you a long look at her perfectly sculpted abs. You love to run your hands over them.

She crosses the floor to reach you. Nat steps around you and puts a hand on your back.

“Have you ever done pull-ups before?” Nat asks.

“Maybe a few times,” you reply. “I’m not so good at them.”

“That’s alright,” Natasha replies. “Watch me.”

She taps your back before she moves her hands to your hips. She moves you to the side, but not before pressing her hips against yours.

“Fuck,” you mumble.

Natasha just chuckles and lifts her arms up to grab the pull up bar. She does so easily. Nat lifts herself up with ease. Her biceps make the perfect shape as she moves up and down. Natasha smiles at you the entire time. She knows she’s hot.

“Yeah, I’m never going to be able to do those,” you say, mesmerized by her.

“That’s alright, baby,” Nat says. “We’ll start you with something easier.”

She lets go of the bar and wraps an arm around your shoulder. Walking across the gym, she finds what she’s looking for. A dumbbell without too much weight on it, but enough to make you sweat.

“Okay, I’m going to show you how to lift this and we’ll do some curls,” Nat explains. Her voice is unnecessarily raspy as she says it. You wonder if she’s turned on too.

Nat steps behind you. She stands so close that you know she’s turned on too.

“Bend down and pick it up,” Nat says.

“What?” You ask. You weren’t really listening.

“Pick up the bar,” Natasha explains. “Don’t hurt your back though.”

“Okay,” you say quietly.

You begin to bend over, but Natasha’s hands pull you back upright.

“You need to squat down at an angle to protect your back. Try again,” Natasha says.

“Nat, I don’t think I’m meant to workout,” you tell her.

“That’s alright, baby. Try this just once. Please?” Nat asks. Oh, she knows what she’s doing. She presses her front into you and says the words right into your ear. “I’ll basically do it for you.”

“Okay. For you, I’ll try.”

“Good girl,” Nat says.

She moves her arms around your body and essentially moves your entire body in the right motion. You grip the bar, and her hands help you hold the weight. Once you’re upright again, Natasha moves your arms to curl up and down.

“Am I doing it, right?” You ask.

“You are, sweetheart. Good job,” Natasha says. She kisses your cheek, and you almost lose focus. Luckily, she holds the bar firmly. “Two more.”

You count together and then she helps you put the bar back onto the ground. Feeling the smallest workout high, you grin and turn to face Nat.

“Thanks for the help,” you tell her.

“You’re welcome, babe,” Natasha says.

She leans down and kisses your lips softly. You kiss her back, probably a little too deeply. She moans and brings a hand to the back of your neck. Your hand comes to the hardness in her shorts. She groans deeply.

“We should get out of here,” you say against her lips.

“I still need to do my crunches,” Nat says.

You pout, and Natasha laughs at you, so you pout even more. She kisses your lips and drops to the floor to do her crunches.

You decide to tease her while she does them. You kneel next to her, and with every crunch she does, you almost kiss her lips. She begins to chase after your lips.

“Babe, what are you doing?” Natasha asks.

“Nothing,” you say, shrugging.

Nat sits up completely and pulls you closer by your shirt.

“Are you teasing me?” She asks, her eyes move between your lips and eyes.

“Maybe,” you say simply.

Natasha smirks. She stands up and offers you her hand. She gets that you’re ready to go. You take her hand and walk to the car. When she opens the door for you, she kisses you and helps you in.

About halfway to your place, you get the feeling you can’t wait any longer to taste Natasha. You reach across the center console and palm her cock over her shorts.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” Natasha hisses. “I’m driving.”

“Keep your eyes on the road then,” you tell her.

You move her waistband of her shorts and boxers down to pull her cock out of the material. Your move your hand over her length. She tries to keep her focus on the road. Nat does okay until you lean over and take her cock in your mouth.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Nat mumbles.

You hum against her. You move your tongue over the tip as her dick begins to drip. You suck her and fondle your hands over the base of her. Her hips stutter as you get her closer.

“Fuck, I’m going to come,” Natasha says.

“Come for me, Natasha,” you say, moving your hand over her again.

“Oh, god,” Natasha says. She swerves on the road just a bit as she comes. “Y/n!”

She comes hard. Some goes in your mouth and some onto her clothes. You keep moving your hand over her as she comes down from her high.

Soon, you’re home. You kiss her and she groans at the taste of herself on your tongue. Nat practically pools you out of the car and into the house.

Once inside, she kisses you and pushes you against the wall. She lifts your shirt over your head and she grabs your breasts. Her strong hands massage them as her lips attach to your nipples. You move your hands to push down her shorts and boxers.

Natasha’s cock presses against your stomach now as she continues to suck your nipples.

“Nat,” you whine breathlessly at the feeling. “I need you.”

“I know, baby. I know,” she replies.

She pulls your pants part of the way down and moves the tip of her cock through your folds. Feeling the slickness, Nat grins.

“Already so wet for me?” She asks.

“Yes,” you say. “Always.”

“Mhm,” Natasha says. She pushes her cock a little further into you.

You take her so well. She pushes all of the way in, and you bite your lip. Her cock is big, but you can take it.

“Fuck, look at you taking me,” Natasha says.

“I can do it.”

“I know,” Natasha says. “So beautiful as you do.”

She kisses you hard as she pumps in and out of you. Her pace is harsh, but god you love it. You teased her for a reason. You knew she would act like this.

“Nat, I’m going to come,” you say, pressing your head against her chest.

“Yeah, baby? Are you going to come for me?”

“Yeah,” you say. She pushes in impossibly further. “Fuck.”

You come hard and Nat feels your walls move around her cock. Her cock twitches, but she doesn’t pull out.

“Can you take another?” She asks.

“I can do it,” you say, feeling the sensitivity of yourself sinking in.

“Just a little bit,” she encourages you.

You nod and Nat picks up her pace again. The sound of her hips becoming flush with yours fills the room along with moans from the two of you.

“Come with me,” Natasha says. “You can do it, sweetheart.”

You come at the feeling of Natasha’s cock buried deep in you. She pulls out quickly and holds her cock as strings of cum shoot out onto your pussy. She brushes her cock over your pussy as she comes down from her high.

“Fuck baby,” Natasha says, breathing heavily.

“That was so-”

“Yeah,” Nat agrees. She kisses you softly and you two decide to shower together. Maybe the gym date was ideal after all.

[amber-sekio]

Relationship Headcanons

Fandom: BSD -Bungo Stray Dogs

TW: none? I think? 

DAZAI 

I said it in my Soukoku fic, Dazai wouldn’t know affection if it slapped him in the face ten times 

Like he might realize when someone is showing interest in a sexual kind 

And he would probably notice if someone is crushing on him 

But like, if he likes them back? 

No 

Man is blind 

He’s too busy panicking over read denying his own thoughts and feelings over you to analyze your actions 

He’s busy trying to think of anything but how pretty you are when he sees you -thank you very much 

No joke though, this can be applied to pretty much anyone he cares about 

I mean he practically had a heart attack when Atsushi gave him flowers 

Anyways if he finally admits to himself that he likes you then I could see him trying to push you away if I’m being brutally honest 

He doesn’t want to lose you and he believes that anything he wants that he obtains, will be striped from him sooner or later 

But…, in a perfect world he would eventually work up the courage to ask you out 

He would probably avoid directly asking you but this is Dazai so he could defiantly figure out some round-about way to ask 

As for the relationship? 

He would still be his teasing self 

But he would tone it down 

Not because he doesn’t want to annoy you but more so because he actually lets some of his masks down when alone with you 

He defiantly is very clingy to you 

Man has been touch starved for a long time and he fears attachment too much to be touchy with the ADA members 

But now he has you, who not only tolerates him but has decided to stay with him? 

Of course he’s not going to let this chance slip from his grasp before all this inevitably ends (he’s still in denial) 

He never cared much for holidays like Christmas or Valentines 

But now he wants to experience them, with you 

He’s always thinking, plans and outcomes racing through his mind, what ifs and regrets  

But like, if you ruffle his hair, his brain just stops. 

Like no thoughts, he short circuits 

When his brain returned to him the first time it happened he panicked 

Like, who gave you that amount of control? 

After that first time he continued to try and get you to do it without asking 

He needed his brain to shut up every now and then, and now he has a reliable source 

Anyways, he likes to be a spoiled princess 

No one can change my mind 

For all his predictions he will never be able to predict your love and kindness for him 

CHUUYA 

Someone give this poor man a hug 

Ugh, my heart 

I can‘t imagine him wanting to date a normal citizen, too much of a risk 

So you’d probably have to work in the Mafia 

Even then, dating you would still be placing a huge target on you 

He would actually take you out on dates before asking you out 

Dates with him would be romantic 

Like dinner by candle light vibes 

He’d be strategic on where you guys sit 

No need to be precarious on what you order, it’s all on him 

When he does ask you out he would be slightly flustered but it just makes him adorable 

Say yes, he doesn’t deserve to be hurt any more 

He would spoil you to no end 

If you want it, you can have it 

You’re the only one allowed to call him short 

He might get flustered from PDA in the start but will gradually warm up to it 

Nothing clingy, just hand holding, a hand around your waist, a quick kiss here or there 

But if he sees some guy hitting on you? 

Down right possessive, arm snug around your waist, shoulder to shoulder 

And if he’s drunk? Even worse 

Like he’s pulling you onto his lap just to make sure that asshole knows your taken 

If you do work in the mafia with him, he likes going on easier missions with you 

And while he knows that you can handle yourself just fine, he can’t help but imagine something bad happening to you when he isn’t there to save you 

He’s lost too many people in his life, please, don’t leave him as well 

He loves when you rest your head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat 

And while you do that he’ll run his fingers through your hair 

Chuuya loves to spoil you rotten as I stated, it’s his love language 

So sometimes he’ll just hand you his black card and let you go shopping with friends or something 

In fact, he encourages you to buy what you want 

FYODOR 

Honestly? Where do I start with him? 

Like congratulations if you meet him and make it out alive 

I don’t know if I should congratulate him taking an interest in you though 

I feel like he believe that the interest he had in you was purely innocent curiosity 

But I also don’t think he would try to delude himself for as long as Dazai does 

Eventually he would notice that something was different about his interest for you than usual 

And while he would hesitate to put a name to it so quickly he would eventually give in after realizing there was no stoping this feeling from festering in him 

After coming to terms with his romantic? Feelings and interest in you he would definitely begin to manipulate you into feeling the same way for him 

If you don’t already that is 

If you don’t confess then he’ll definitely do the same thing Dazai did 

And when you agree, he of course knew you would, he makes you move in with him 

He can’t let his dearest other slip from his finger now can he? 

I feel like before ever getting into a relationship, you would have been made aware of his ‘work’  

Please, make sure the man eats 

And takes his iron pill 

Nikolai is getting a little tired of that daily routine despite how much he loves to be around Fyodor 

Anyways, dates aren’t a very common thing in fact, very, very rare 

I mean… what did you expect? 

Man’s a literal terrorist 

That being said, from time to time he’ll leave his ‘lair’ to spend time with you 

If you ask, he’ll gladly play the cello for you 

If he snaps at you for ‘bothering him with pointless things’ when you bring him his iron pill or food just listen 

Don’t bother him with such things 

And then same thing the next day 

And after some 4 or 5 days he’ll stumble from his room 

Staggering as he tries not to collapse or faint from both his lack of energy and his iron deficiency 

And when he walks into the kitchen trying to get the iron pill bottle open? 

Let him stumble his way over to you and ask for help before you finally do as such 

And he realizes just how dependent on you he’s become 

It’ll happen again eventually 

But as of that moment, it’ll at least be awhile before the cycle repeats 

(That last part of Fyodor’s was based upon some fanfic I read for him. I'm not sure who it was by, but I’ll tag it if and when I do find it.) 

A/N: anyways, believe it or not, I love Chuuya just as much as I do Fyodor and Dazai 

I’m just not as confident in his character. Since I’m a lot like Dazai, he comes easy to me and by substitute, Fyodor does as well 

But Chuuya? Despite him being one of my 5 favorites along with Dazai and Fyodor, I just don’t resonate personally enough with him to write him really well

[thatonefandomweirdo]

Mouthwashing and The Ways The Abuser Gets Empowered

We all know how the story of Mouthwashing goes. Anya got raped by Jimmy. Curly did nothing because of the Bro Code. The basic reading everyone has.

But I'm surprised how few people have actually understood that Curly isn't the only example we are given of this toxic workplace culture in which harassment is done nothing about. Yeah, Curly is the one who is inactive because he has a connection to Jimmy.

But that completely ignores Swansea and Daisuke and what they portray in the story.

We know Swansea is aware of what Jimmy did to Anya from the scene in the cockpit. And yet nothing really happens afterward for a while except some passive-aggressive comments. Swansea is fully aware that they won't get rescued. And yet he does nothing to stop Jimmy at that point. He only attacks Jimmy once both Daisuke and Anya are already dead.

Besides, I think he was at the very least aware of some of Jimmy's sexual harassment way earlier.

Here's the first conversation with Swansea about the Utility Room

What an odd thing to do. To talk about Daisuke first. Then Anya. Then Daisuke again... and how he won't let anyone in there.

Unless he isn't talking about Daisuke here. He is talking about Jimmy. Because who else? Curly is burnt and can't do anything anymore.

Is it because he views them all as practically teenagers due to his own age? Does he single out Jimmy specifically because he views him as immature? Who knows.

Swansea is at the very least aware of Jimmy's more open behavior around Anya. He does not really confront him directly. He just compares it to his own kids. We've seen how Jimmy treats Anya badly even when it isn't anything sexual related. And nobody does anything then either. Swansea does not seem to view Jimmy's sexual harassment as that bad. If anything, he just seems to think the harassment he does see is immature

He is only using his words for the longest time. Once he retaliates, him and Curly are the only ones Jimmy can hurt anymore.

Now, let's talk about Daisuke. Throughout the whole game, Daisuke knows the least. He is the only one who does not know what Jimmy did to Anya. With that, he gets no choice presented to him in how he handles this. He just does as he is told by the authority figures.

Nobody can really blame him for his inaction. He is an inexperienced guy who has never been around such a difficult situation before. He has hopes they'll get rescued when every else has accepted they are only prolonging their deaths.

By not even being told about anything, Jimmy is able to manipulate him. He talked Daisuke into giving a spiked drink to Swansea for the greater good. So what else would Jimmy have done had he had the chance?

For example, imagine a situation where Jimmy wants Anya alone, so he asks Daisuke to get Anya to come into the cockpit but not tell her he's here. For some private talk away from everyone maybe or any other bullshit excuse he can come up with.

That's the sad part about the game. Jimmy gets empowered through Curly's goodwill towards him, Swansea being passively aware, and Daisuke being completely unaware

[sssardonian-ssserpent]

((Am i the only one that feels like they missed a huge narrative opportunity with Sir Pentious’s death?

Like yes, it is fine and good that he became the first redeemed soul, I’ve since made my peace with that and can concede that it has a ton of interesting narrative potential and ways to forward the plot that they still hope they use him with in season 2, but the way they could’ve made his sacrifice into something that would’ve been a PERFECT way to hammer in the narrative of the show, and yet they turned it into a useless anti-climatic gag that ultimately wasted what they could’ve done with it.

Like, for example, it has been noted and discussed many times in the fandom that the final fight is all about love and compassion triumphing over senseless cruelty. This is seen with how Lucifer comes in to save Charlie when all hope is lost, with how Angel saves the Eggbois from an exorcist because he knows Sir Pentious cares for them, how Cherri is there to help Angel fight because they’re friends and how Husk fights to protect everyone because he’s grown too fond of everyone else to walk away. The only one who ultimately doesn’t fight for love and compassion is Alastor, who tries to fight Adam one to one out of little more than pure ego and spite. And what happens? He gets his fucking shit rocked, is nearly mortally wounded, and flees from the battle entirely to avoid death.

And, ultimately, this is seen in Pentious’s sacrifice, as he takes off in his ship to try and face down Adam because he recognizes that he’s the biggest threat to their defenses and that if he’s allowed to continue his rampage, everyone will die. Of course, we all know how that sacrifice goes; Pentious being instantly obliterated in a single blast by Adam before Pentious can do anything, in a comedically abrupt and anti-climatic gag to offset the seriousness of the moment. And while it was initially funny in the moment, I think it severely weakened the tone of the moment and, ultimately, as I will explain, ruined what could’ve been a grand and drastic moment, not only for Pentious, but for the hope and love Charlie inspired in him.

You see, the line Adam says directly afterward after killing Pentious is “that could’ve been ugly.” Which, to me, heavily implies that if Pentious had actually gotten off a shot, it probably would’ve done damage and actually hurt Adam, which might’ve helped turn the tide of the battle even before Lucifer had shown up.

So then I got to thinking, imagine if he HAD gotten the shot off? Imagine if he HAD actually wounded Adam?

Sir Pentious. A demon constantly craving recognition and attention, who was never able to get it. Someone who was always considered a useless weakling, a laughing stock, a desperate pathetic idiot who was better off dying than ever being able to be anything of worth in the eyes of most demons and Overlords in Hell, despite how hard he tried to become just as fearsome as them. A demon regarded as a nobody, unrecognizable and totally worthless and forgettable, in Alastor’s eyes, and in the V’s.

A demon everyone has looked down and regarded as weak, hurting the First Man, the leader of the Exorcists, wounding him, in a sacrificial effort to protect his friends. Hurting the most powerful Exorcist in Heaven, out of love for his friends, to protect them and save them from death, when Alastor, a selfish and sadistic egotist who didn’t care about anyone else, wasn’t able to put a scratch on him.

Imagine Pentious being able to hurt Adam more in a noble sacrifice to save his friends than Alastor of all demons, who was unable to when he was only fighting for himself. The poeticism in that. The rawness of that, in a story all about how love and compassion and kindness for others can triumph over the most senseless cruelty and hatred.

Imagine if the blast had gone off.

Imagine if it had caught Adam at the last second. Grazing a shoulder perhaps. Burning his wing. Sending him tumbling out of the sky.

He sends a holy blast up toward the ship, enraged by the fact that he got struck by such a lowly sinner, and the ship can’t get out of the way in time, and Pentious knows that.

One of the Eggbois is screaming and shouting about an incoming attack and how the ship is unable to evade.

And Pentious just slowly takes off his hat, and as the light of the holy beam begins to consume the room, he just goes “….I know.”

He dies, accepting his death, not fearing it, knowing that what he did may have been enough to save his friends.

Cut to the ship being instantly obliterated in a massive cacophonous explosion while everyone looks on in horror from the ground.

Wouldn’t that have made his sacrifice, and his consequent redemption in Heaven, so much more worth it? So much more heavy hitting?

Wouldn’t that have made it actually mean something? Instead of it being made into a joke?

[not-that-n]

I think Kotor 2 is a really funny game when it comes to the average analysis of it's themes, because it managed to create such a compelling antagonist that most people just kinda get lost into trying to analyze her words and actions through her apparent philosophical stand when she is just written to be a great hypocrite, something that they almost always fail to mention in the average analysis of Kreya's character.

Like she makes some points, that sometimes helping others without thinking about your actions can hurt them more than you could imagine and says some other things that are almost true but she frames them as a philosophy of might, you shouldn't help others because you are depriving them of their strength, because through suffering there's growth, through struggle you reach enlightenment, through individual freedom you reach apotheosis. She then reaches the conclusion that God, aka the Force, is the biggest chain of all and to be truly free is to kill the force, to reject fate completely.

She acts like she has some sort of moral high ground over the sith and the Jedi when in reality she is not much different. In a way, she does have some beliefs she follows without question, she still uses the force and if you ask her about it she admits the hypocritical nature of her argument, first comparing to a poison and then saying that that's just an argument of an old woman trying to justify it. She always talks about how there are no chains, how you must be completely free of fate because there's no determinate outcome, whatever happens being a result of your strength, yet she still betrays you by the end because there must always be a Darth Treya, there must always be someone that directly betrays the order in it's moment of need. That's fate, that should, and will, always happen.

I always read her admiration for the player originating from our achievement of her goals without becoming hypocrites like she is, something I'm sure she is aware of as hinted by her dialogue in her last fight. The player rejected the force, reject fate, through strenght of will alone, using it more alike a weapon than a dogma, but the player, in a way, still uses the force mostly as a way of unknowingly influence others, their strength is not in self isolation in pursue of the strength of an individual through the death of morals and complete freedom, but instead in connection with others.

In the dark side ending the player becomes Kreya, a hypocrite that acts on their own desires, on their own impulses, because they can, afterall they had the strength to reject the force once so they are strong enough to do whatever. On the light side ending the exile takes the correct path, not following Kreya but transcending her, becoming better than her, understanding that you can overcome the chains of fate not through individual freedom but through connection, in the light side ending you archive what Kreya never could.

I always read Kotor 2 as a story of abuse and trying to grow out of it, in this case Kreya being the abuser, breaking both Scion and Nihilus causing them to become what she hated the most, and the player character being her new target, the exile being able to either follow the narrative's themes and be able to grow despite the abuse or fail and become the abuser themselves, perpetuating the cycle, the chain, that I always read as what the force is supposed to symbolize in this story.

Kreya is a spiteful person that believes that she can not grow, that she can not change and become better, she accepts herself in her own hypocrite nature because of this belief, she understands that through her own argument, one of complete freedom and transcending any chains that bind us, she is a failure like the rest of her students because she follows her own chain, she believes she most perpetuate the cycle of abuse.

That's the reason why I always disagree witht he concept that Kreya steals the show from both Scion and Nihilus because both of them are different outcomes that the exile could have become, both are victims of abuse that thought they couldn't change.

There's this one study I always think about, how kids that came from abusive households were more reluctant to let go of their parents, and Scion reminds me of this, rejecting Kreya at every opportunity but being unable to let go of her, she defined who he became as a person, a failure in both of their eyes. That's why he is so mad when you are going to confront Kreya, he thinks of you as her favorite, as the one that didn't become a failure, as someone who could reject and grow from their abuse when he couldn't. And I always found so interesting that the way you beat him os through words because, well, because you try convincing him that he can change, that he can grow, you beat him not through a fight, through a show of strength, but through showing, arguing, that the abuse he went through is not an unmoving chain, that he has the capabilities of change. And he doesn't believe you, never does, he would rather die than think about that, that admit you are right, he reacts the same way Kreya does, dying rather than admit they were wrong. It feels incredibly tragic that this happens because you know it could end up in another way, you are that other possible outcome.

And Nihilus is a simpler character because most of the content related to him was cut, but I always read him as the complete rejection of Kreya, as doing the exact opposite of whatever she said even when it still ends up hurting him, becoming a shell of what he was once. That said, most of that is just me guessing something that would fit with my reading of the themes and is never actually said in the game, it's kinda hinted but I admit there's not enough information to confidently say that.

Anyways, my point is that I find kotor 2 quite a compelling story and, while I understand why most people only ever discuss Kreya, I feel slightly disappointed that most discussions of the game never really talk about anything else the game presents